It's over

I have to say that I'm relieved that today is the last day of NaBloPoMo. It was hard for me to post every day because I felt pressure to post something more than just a few sentences each day, and truthfully, some days I don't have much to say. If you know me in person, I don't talk a lot. I'm from the camp that believes that someone has to be a listener.

Most of the time if I do open my mouth I say the wrong thing anyway. So, it's usually just easier to let everyone else talk. The few people that do seem to care what I have to say know that I'm not quiet all the time. My comfort level with a person is in direct correlation with how much I talk to them.

Because I hate the feeling that when I've said something people look at me like I'm an idiot.

I think that's part of the reason that I blog. I can write what I want and if people disagree or think I'm an idiot, they just don't need to comment. I'm blissfully unaware that you think I'm an idiot. Also, I don't have to wait for a pause in the conversation to try to get my two cents in when I'm writing on my blog. If you're reading, I've got the floor.

I suppose, being a typical Minnesotan, I don't like conflict. But that's not to say that I don't get pissed off. I'm one of those slow-burn types. You can do a million things that piss me off and I won't say anything until that one million and first thing...then I blow. My eruption usually includes me crying while I'm yelling because my body just can't handle the pent-up emotion anymore. It's not pretty.

Lately I feel like that one million and one thing is coming and I don't like it. You're not supposed to feel like that at Christmas time.

I feel irrelevant. I feel unnecessary. I feel tolerated. I feel dismissed.

Although it could just be pregnancy hormones. They do that kind of thing too.